The Animal Inside Of You
by Sonny.With.A.Firefly
Summary: Rachel has a secret admirer, and all of the clues seem to lead her in the wrong direction. Then she's given a choice: pursue this mystery person, or pursue the one she loves.
1. Chapter 1

**So, the writing here is awkward, because it's third person and I very very very very rarely use that. It's even more awkward because it was originally written in first and I changed it. Hopefully it's still okay though. :) This is my first Glee fanfic and my first fic in third person, so be gentle (or not, I actually don't care, just let me know what you think!).**

**Chapter One**

_Sing us a song_

_And we'll sing it back to you_

_We could sing our own_

_But what would it be without you?_

_-Your Secret Admirer_

"Rachel! Did you hear what I said?" Rachel dropped the dreamy smile she'd been wearing and replaced it with an innocent one.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Schue, I was distracted." She saw a shadow fall over her note and looked up to find Santana lurking and reading over her shoulder. "Santana!" She snapped, folding it and chucking it under her seat, "That was private!"

"I saw hearts. Got yourself a boyfriend, Berry?" Various gasps and murmurs erupted from the room – 'You didn't tell me?' 'Who is it?' 'Class! Quiet, please!' 'C'mon, Rach, tell us!'.

"It's – it's a secret admirer, guys. I don't _know_ who it is." The class once again burst into noise – "ooh"s and "aw"s and more questions while Mr. Schuester tried unsuccessfully to get our attention.

Of course, Santana had to ruin Rachel's small moment of fame with one of her small remarks. "Yeah, if I liked you, I wouldn't want to admit it, either."

"Thank you, Santana," she sneered, then folded her hands in her lap and looked pointedly at Mr. Schue. "Now, I believe we were about to start our new assignment?"

"Yes!" He turned and thrust a finger to the whiteboard, grinning. They all took a moment to register what it said: Duets. Several people frowned or drew their eyebrows together. They'd all done plenty of duets – wasn't it time to move on to bigger and brighter things? "Now, I realize some of you are confused. But be honest. Look around – how many of these people have you actually sung with? That's why _I'm _pairing you up this time.

His pairings sounded disastrous, but they were certainly interesting. Finn and Lauren, Quinn and Tina – and then Rachel's head snapped up as her name was called. "Rachel and Santana." She tried not to grimace, instead she turned to look at her partner. They stared at each other blankly for a second before Santana finally moved, dragging a chair across from Rachel and straddling it.

"You got any ideas?" she asked in a monotone. She was focused on her nails rather than Rachel, and barely noticed when the girl shook her head. "Alright. I'll, uh, come over later, I guess. Can I crash at your place?"

"Um, y-yeah, sure." Never in her life would she have expected to hear that from Santana – but that was the point of the assignment, wasn't it? Breaking boundaries. But this was one giant boundary. "I'll, uh, meet you outside after rehearsal, okay?"

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

"Hey, Daddy! This is Santana." He smiled, but inconspicuously shot Rachel a perplexed glance. Her dads had heard all about Santana from their daughter, and a majority of it wasn't exactly nice. "Is it okay if she sleeps over? We have some stuff to work on for Glee."

"Of course it's okay! It's nice to meet you, Santana." They both got into the backseat of the car and were mostly silent as her father awkwardly tried to make small talk. Rachel would never admit it, but talking to Santana made her nervous. It felt like everything she said was wrong – probably because to Santana, it was.

When they got to the house, Rachel's other father was already cooking up his world-famous (kind of) spaghetti. From the glimmer in her eye and the fact that she was drooling, it was quite obvious that Santana would like it. "That smells _amazing_, Mr. Berry."

"Call me Leroy! Santana, right?" She nodded and her smile grew wider than it had been in a long time. She still felt out of place, but her smile was – dare she say it – almost real.

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

"I like your house. It's really... homey." The longing in her voice made Rachel wonder if _her_ house was really a home. Maybe that could explain why she was so grumpy all the time.

"It doesn't bother you that I have two dads?" Sure, homophobes and glee club didn't exactly go together, but she'd never been _the _most accepting of Kurt.

"Of course not! They're great, and it'd be a little hypocritical if I was homophobic – oh shit." Their eyes widened simultaneously, Santana's in fear and Rachel's in shock. For a tiny moment Rachel looked beyond the deep brown of her eyes and saw how timid she really was. She started to lift one hand towards her, but with that small movement, she was closed off again. "Uh, what I meant was – well – you better not tell anyone, Berry."

"I – I would never." She tried to swallow her nerves, but her throat was parched, and all she managed to do was nearly choke. "Um. Who else knows?"

"Just Brittany and Dave." After a minute of confusion, Rachel finally realized who Dave was – not that that cleared anything up.

"Wait – what? _Karofsky _knows? _Why?_" Obviously Santana and Rachel were far from best friends, but she was a bit offended that _he _knew before she did. Then again, they had dated... which was even more confusing. "Wait, didn't you guys go out for a while? And what about Finn, and Puck, and Sam?"

"Dave and I were each other's beards." Rachel gave her a blank look and tried to ignore the mental image of Dave somehow wearing Santana as a beard. "We pretended to date so no one would know I'm a lesbian and he's gay," she clarified.

"Oh, that's pretty – Karofsky's gay?" Everything was becoming more and more of a jumbled mess in Rachel's mind. Even Santana seemed confused.

"Kurt didn't tell you? I thought you guys were like, BFFs." _Did everyone know this but me? _Rachel thought, _I really need to start being more aware._

"I thought we were, too! Kurt knew?" She didn't know whether to be hurt or understanding – she didn't know anything, honestly.

She lowered herself onto her bed and blinked furiously, trying to process everything she'd just learned. And as if all that wasn't enough, she suddenly had another thought – what if _Santana _was her secret admirer? He/she/it did have pretty girly handwriting. She looked up at Santana incredulously, but tried to hide it. She couldn't be right. Santana was a lesbian, but that didn't mean she automatically liked Rachel.

"What?" she snarled, bringing Rachel back to reality. She was sprawled out on the bed. Rachel looked away sheepishly when she realized she'd been staring. "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I want girls ogling me."

"I'm sorry, I was just – I zoned out -" she was cut off by a sigh and Santana scrambling off the bed.

"Whatever. I have to go." Rachel choked out one syllable of a protest before the door was slammed shut, sending vibrations all the way to the bed.

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

"Thanks for letting me stay after... after that," Santana murmured, but refused to even look at Rachel. Instead, she stayed completely focused on the newest Gossip Girl.

"Oh. It's no problem. But... don't take this the wrong way, but why did you stay?" She had seemed perfectly fine with never talking to Rachel again when she'd stormed off, but she showed up ten minutes later, damp from the rain and acting like a bitch.

"Didn't feel like walking home." She shrugged nonchalantly, but I sensed something more there. It brought her back to her thoughts earlier, about her home life.

"Okay. Well, um... you can always stay here, if you ever don't feel like going home." They gazed at each other, growing more intense each second, and for a while Rachel thought she was angry, until she finally spoke.

"Thanks," she muttered quietly. Her eyes moved around the room warily before falling on Rachel again. "You know, you're not that bad."

It wasn't exactly a compliment, but it was better than her usual nasty comments, and Rachel appreciated that. She gave Santana a glowing smile and replied, "Thank you. That actually means a lot to me. I kind of thought you were going to hate me forever."

"I never hated you, Rachel." Once again, Rachel considered the possibility that Santana was her admirer – no, no, she had to get that thought out of her head! "I'm a bitch to everyone. It's not personal."

"Oh, well that's... good to know." The next half hour was silent except for the TV and the occasional halfhearted chuckle. "It's getting late, we should get ready for bed. If you want I can throw your uniform in the wash?"

Twenty minutes later Santana was curled up on the couch (in Rachel's pajamas) and Rachel sat in the recliner, watching her. Her eyes were shut, but she was still awake. Rachel pushed against the back of the chair lazily to lay down and pulled the blanket over her shoulders, figuring she may as well try to sleep.

But she couldn't – she was plagued with thoughts of her admirer. Who was it? Did the person write the poem, or was it quoted? And most importantly, was it Santana? She didn't know what she'd do if it was – but it didn't matter, because it _wasn't _her.

"Rachel?" Santana mumbled sleepily, opening her eyes halfway, "Are you still awake?"

"Yeah, why?" Rachel whispered, although her parents were far out of earshot and already fast asleep. It just seemed appropriate.

"Oh." She was ready to question her, but she was already asleep.

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

"It's... well, it's certainly not a song I would expect you to choose." It was romantic, girly, everything Santana wasn't.

"Yeah, but it'll sound fuckin' awesome when we sing it together." She had a point – their voices were very different, but raspy and feminine always did seem to go well together.

"Yes... it will." She smiled and shut off her iPod. "Come on, my dad's waiting for us."

**Alright, I know the way Rachel found out about Santana's sexuality was really bad, but I wanted to get it out of the way and Santana would never just tell Rachel, so... bear with me. Reviews, s'il vous plait? I'll love you forever, I need concrit desperately!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Oh my God, you guys. The amount of alerts and favorites I got were completely overwhelming, I've never had that many before. I LOVE YOU ALL! -clears throat- Anyway. This is the second chapter! Yay! I'll try to have Chapter 3 up asap, but I can't promise you anything. I start school on Wednesday, and I have 3 AP classes along with Calc, so my writing time will be severely restricted. I'll try and write as much as I can, though. I have two more chapters written that just need to be switched to third person. Anyway, now that my long ass author's note is over...**

**Disclaimer: Go watch an episode of Glee. Does Mark Salling, at any point in the episode, have a shirt on? Yes? Lol do you really think I'd let that happen if I owned it? No. Oh and I don't own Enchanted either.**

**Chapter Two**

_There I was again tonight_

_Forcing laughter, faking smiles_

_Same old tired, lonely place_

Rachel's voice mingled with Santana's, an octave higher.

_Walls of insincerity_

_Shifting eyes and vacancy_

_Vanished when I saw your face_

Everyone seemed confused (besides Finn and Brittany, but they weren't exactly the brightest people), but they were obviously impressed. Maybe it was cocky of Rachel, but she thought they sounded brilliant.

_All I can say is_

_It was enchanting to meet you_

Their eyes met, and their matching smiles were both warm and awkward. Rachel shifted on the stool she was sitting on before blushing and looking back at the audience.

_Your eyes whispered "have we met"_

_Across the room your silhouette_

_Starts to make its way to me_

As they sang, Rachel's mind started to wander to Monday night, when Santana had slept over. She had left her with so many questions, and they were only becoming harder to answer. She had found another note in her locker that morning, and was still suspicious that it was her.

_The playful conversation starts_

_Counter all your quick remarks_

_Like passing notes in secrecy_

Her heart started to beat a little bit faster. Passing notes in secrecy... was this Santana's way of dropping hints?

_And it was enchanting to meet you_

_All I can say is_

_I was enchanted to meet you_

And then they were dancing, and twirling, and having fun. And although everyone was waiting for a catch, they were enjoying themselves.

_This night is sparkling, don't you let it go_

_I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home_

_I'll spend forever wondering if you knew_

_I was enchanted to meet you_

They calmed down as the music did, but they stayed up, smiles stretched across their faces.

_The lingering question kept me up_

_2 AM, who do you love?_

_I wonder till I'm wide awake_

This verse was much too relevant for Rachel. She'd stayed up for hours the past three nights thinking about Santana. Ever since she'd come out, she'd been deathly afraid that she was the admirer – but she was also oddly intrigued by the idea. She still didn't know what she'd do if it was true – could she possibly return the feelings? That would just be too weird, she couldn't even let herself think about it.

_Now I'm pacing back and forth_

_Wishing you were at my door_

_I'd open up and you would say_

Rachel was straight. So why couldn't she keep her eyes off of Santana? It had to just be her mind messing with her. Santana's confession had shaken her, that was all.

_It was enchanting to meet you_

_All I know is_

_I was enchanted to meet you_

Santana grabbed Rachel's hand and twirled her, completely oblivious to the club's reactions. Rachel held back a giggle and hoped Santana couldn't feel her hammering pulse through her hand.

_This night is sparkling, don't you let it go_

_I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home_

_I'll spend forever wondering if you knew_

_This night is flawless, don't you let it go_

_I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone_

_I'll spend forever wondering if you knew _

_I was enchanted to meet you_

Santana couldn't stop thinking about Monday. It was weird, it was almost as if she considered Rachel her... friend. And she kind of, in a way, liked it.

_This is me praying that_

_This was the very first page_

_Not where the storyline ends_

_My thoughts will echo your name_

_Until I see you again_

Rachel decided that she really did like singing with Santana. Maybe they should do it again. Would it be weird to ask her to hang out again? Would she even want to? This was Santana freaking Lopez she was talking about, and she was nobody. Santana had better people to associate with.

_These are the words I held back_

_As I was leaving too soon_

_I was enchanted to meet you_

Rachel almost caught Santana's eye, but turned away, afraid she would blush again. She felt silly, thinking she was her admirer. It was probably just a sick joke, anyway. Besides, Santana wouldn't want someone so dorky.

_Please don't be in love with someone else_

_Please don't have somebody waiting on you_

As they launched into the last chorus, they focused on the audience again. They were all clearly puzzled by the choice to perform a love song, but they did a damn good job of it, and everyone knew it.

_This night is sparkling, don't you let it go_

_I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home_

_I'll spend forever wondering if you knew_

_This night is flawless, don't you let it go_

_I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone_

_I'll spend forever wondering if you knew_

_I was enchanted to meet you_

They turned to look at each other as they sang the last two lines, but Santana had stopped smiling – in fact, she seemed kind of agitated.

_Please don't be in love with someone else_

_Please don't have somebody waiting on you_

While the music faded and their fellow glee clubbers applauded, Rachel reached up to touch Santana's shoulder, but she shook it off. "You were amazing, Santana."

"Whatever, Man Hands," she snapped, rushing back to her seat and glaring in no particular direction. Rachel slowly fell into her own seat and tried to how hurt she actually was. She plucked the latest note out of her bag and focused all of her attention on it while Mr. Schue called up the next pair.

"Is that another secret admirer note?" Quinn whispered eagerly from the chair behind her, and she nodded. "So you still don't know who it is?"

"Nope. They're really cryptic, I think they're song lyrics." The words dripped from Rachel's mouth slowly – she wasn't sure how much to trust her.

"You should come over tonight! Britt and San will be there, we can investigate." Rachel figured it had to be some kind of trick, but Quinn's smile seemed so genuine. And she had to admit, she wanted to spend more time with Santana, if only to figure out why she suddenly hated her.

"O-okay," Rachel stuttered, cursing herself for how lame she sounded, "I'll be there."

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

"I just don't understand, I thought we kind of... bonded the other night." She was being whiny, she knew that, but Kurt was handling it quite well.

"Honey, she has a reputation to keep up." He spoke in that special soothing voice only he can manage, although his words were far from sweet. "And while that's certainly no excuse, to her it seems like it is. She said she doesn't hate you, right? Just remember that."

"But she was fine while we were singing! She was dancing and smiling and everything, and then she just... went back to being a bitch." She was sulking, but Kurt understood that having unwanted feelings for a girl who doesn't appear to like you can do that.

And unwanted feelings were exactly what she had, though he knew she'd never admit it, or even think it. "You like her, don't you?" he asked, amused. Rachel's cheeks flushed and she tried to hold her mouth closed, but struggled. Of _course _she didn't like Santana!

"No, I do not like her! I am straight, thank you very much." He chuckled at her vehemence, and her glower did nothing to stop her. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I was supposed to be at Quinn's house five minutes ago."

"Quinn's? Let me guess, Santana will be there?" he teased. Her glare told him all he needed to know. "Love ya!"

"Love you too," she growled, charging out of the coffee shop and not at all ready for the sleepover.

**3**


	3. Chapter 3, Part 1

**Hey guys! So, some earthquake, eh? I am proud to say that at first I thought my washer was off balance, despite the fact that the entire house was shaking and my washer was not on. Anyway, today was my first day of school, but I miraculously only have homework for three of my four classes, and all my AP stuff isn't due for a few days anyway, so I'm posting another chapter! I've wanted to the past few days but I was finishing my summer work and just didn't have time. So yeah, hopefully you like it! The response for last chapter was amazinggg you guys. :) Let me know what you think :)**

**Chapter Three, Part One**

_I'm conflicted_

_I inhale, now I'm addicted_

_To this place, to you, babe_

_I can't stay away_

_-Your Secret Admirer_

"Well, judging by the rest of the lyrics, this person's not to fond of his or her feelings for me. If these feelings are even real." Phrases like 'this is wrong, I should be gone' and 'I wish I could leave and never return' floated around in Rachel's head. _Even my secret admirer is ashamed to like me?_

"What do you mean, if they're even real?" Quinn asked. The three girls crowded around Rachel, waiting for an answer. "I mean, they're leaving you notes with cute song lyrics, it kinda seems like they like you."

"Oh, let's face it guys, I'm no cheerleader. I'm just that overly ambitious, dorky girl that know one likes – who, granted, will probably make it farther than any of those Lima losers, but that's unimportant now." Santana's eyes darkened, but Rachel didn't notice. "This 'admirer' is probably just some dumb jock playing a joke on me, or at the very least someone who feels bad for me because no guys ever like me."

"Don't say that, Rachel!" Quinn exclaimed, grabbing one of Rachel's hands, "Tons of guys have liked you! Come on – Finn, Puck, Jesse – you even had that thing with Blaine, didn't you?"

"Finn left me for you, Noah left me for, well, you, Blaine's _gay_, and Jesse – I don't even want to talk about Jesse." Quinn dropped her hand and looked down guiltily. She didn't know how to respond – it was true. She was going to apologize, or something along those lines, but Santana immediately grabbed her.

"I think what she meant was, you're awesome, and as much as we hate to admit it sometimes, everyone knows it." Rachel smiled and cursed the blush that painted her cheeks. She told herself she was only blushing because it was sweet. And Santana was _not _a sweet person – as she'd confirmed earlier at rehearsal – so it was shock that made her blush. Just shock. "I'm sure your admirer's better than any of those guys, and if he's not we'll kick his ass."

"Lord Tubbington likes you too, Rachel," Brittany added. Rachel couldn't help but grin. "And he's really smart." The three others searched for a response, but a light bulb went off in Brittany's head. "I bet it's him!"

"At this point, I'm not even sure it's a girl," Rachel said. They all looked at her, but it was Santana's eyes that she really felt burning her. It was a slightly touchy subject to bring up after her confession, but it she _was _my admirer, I wanted her to know I was on to her. "I mean, think about it – how many guys do we know with handwriting that neat?"

"I guess..." Quinn replied with a skeptical expression, "But I'm sure any guy would try to make his writing neat for this. Or even get a girl to write it." She was right, Rachel knew that, but a part of her hung on to the belief that it had to be Santana. For some reason, she wanted it, bad, and she hated it.

"Do you want it to be a girl, Rachel?" Brittany asked. Rachel was so surprised bu the question that she couldn't even make a noise, not a syllable, not even a squeak. It gave Brittany the perfect opportunity to lean in and whisper, so quietly not even Santana could hear, "Are you capital-G Gay?"

Rachel leaped from the bed clumsily, flustered. Her face twisted into a grimace as she exclaimed, "No, I am not! I'm – I'm capital-S Straight, actually!" She pressed her lips together – she didn't want to seem too defensive. Brittany smiled knowingly at her and winked. _Don't panic, Rachel, It's Brittany, after all; she won't tell anyone what she _thinks _she knows, if she even remembers._

"Well, why don't we try and get as many guys' handwriting as we can?" Quinn suggested, "We can start with the glee club." They all agreed, and were about to think of ideas, but Quinn stopped them. "No, let's watch a movie. This is girls' night, enough about boys!"

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

"Okay, this is a short survey," Rachel announced while handing out papers to the boys. This was part one of Operation: Rachel's Admirer's Investigation Station (RAIS for short; the name was Brittany's idea). "It's just a few questions, Principal Figgins gave them to me and asked me to give them to the guys in the club, so just give them back to me when you're done." Of course, they were all oblivious and took the papers happily, but Mr. Schuester seemed less certain.

"Why didn't he just give them to me?" Quinn and Santana shot him annoyed glances – he was ruining our plan! - but Rachel just smiled at him and shrugged.

"He was probably afraid you would freak out and claim this is Coach Sylvester's next evil plot to destroy the club." Rachel was surprised with her own retort, but Santana gave her an approving look and Mr. Schue just looked utterly baffled. Thankfully, he let the matter drop and continued with rehearsal.

"You guys all did amazing last week with the duets, but we're gonna be doing solo stuff this week." He turned to scribble a word on the whiteboard: Pain. "We've all felt pain before. So this week's assignment is to sing about something that's causing you pain right now."

Fear popped up in several people's eyes – which was understandable; singing about your pain was honest and raw and made you vulnerable. Rachel knew it was no problem for some, including herself, but for others, like Puck or Santana, it was probably unbearable.

As if reading her thoughts, Puck raised his hand. "Uh, is this mandatory?" He tried to keep his badass facade, but they could all tell he was nervous.

"We're all family here, Puck! We don't keep secrets from each other, right?" He beamed at them, and they all just gave him matching blank looks. "Okay, maybe not. But we all know you're not as tough as you act, so you may as well open up a little."

He glared at Mr. Schue and sputtered, "Not as tough as I act? You do realize I've been in juvie more than once? I don't get why everyone seems to think I'm some kind of teddy bear!"

"Oh, it's one song, Noah," Rachel sighed, "Man up." Everyone stared at her, and she even got a few cheers from Mercedes and Kurt. Puck was clearly unimpressed, and they stared each other down for a minute before the whole class burst into laughter.

**Alright, this chapter's longer, but I felt like you guys deserved something today, so I'm posting half. The next half will hopefully be up tomorrow. :) Finally, some one-sided Pezberry! At least a little, deep down inside Rachel's heart. But don't expect them to ride off into the sunset just yet!**

**So, for the record – who do you think the admirer is? Who do you _want _it to be? I've got one or two pretty solid ideas of who it is, but your thoughts could influence me, so go for it! :)**


	4. Chapter 3, Part 2

**Alright guys, here's part deux :) Sorry for posting it in two parts, I was about to fall asleep at my desk last night. Hope ya like it! :D xx**

**Warning: I use the phrase 'warm glow of friendship' a few paragraphs in. If this is to much for you to handle, please skip paragraph five.**

**Chapter Three, Part Two**

"Rachel." She spun towards Santana's voice – and slammed her eyes shut when she saw the blue slushy being thrown in her face. When she was sure it was over, she rubbed her eyelids clean and gaped at the spot Santana had just been.

Santana sauntered away, a smirk playing across her face to hide her guilt. The dwarf didn't deserve it, but she needed to remember that she was Rachel Berry, not Santana's New Best Friend. Okay, so she hadn't said anything to her yet. But she would've. Oh yes, she would've. After all, who wouldn't want to talk to her?

Rachel grabbed the extra shirt she always kept in her locker and made her way to the bathroom, almost knocking over Quinn when she shoved the door open. When she saw the state Rachel was in – drenched, angry, chewing on her quivering bottom lip – she rushed to help clean up. "Oh my God, Rachel, who the hell-"

"Santana," she muttered, locking herself in a stall so she could change her shirt and wallow in her self-pity.

"What? That's – I'll talk to her," she growled, and Rachel felt the warm glow of friendship for a second before she realized that one, she and Quinn were not friends, and two, messing with Santana was _not _a good idea.

"No, no, it's okay, Quinn," she reassured her, then paused for a second to pull the shirt over her head, "I'm used to it by now." She came out of the stall and found Quinn scowling with her hands on her hips. "I mean, it's not like it's unexpected, right?"

"Well, it certainly shouldn't be expected!" she cried. She considered Rachel a friend – sort of, in a weird way – and friends don't let their friends throw slushies at their other friends. "Rachel, Santana's your... well, she's not your enemy, not anymore. Either way, you can't just put up with it!"

"Santana's a Cheerio, I'm in glee. I completely understand her perspective, it's really okay." Rachel wished she'd just drop it – of course she didn't enjoy being slushied, in fact it was rather detrimental to her self esteem, but it wasn't worth fighting against.

"She's in glee, too! And so are Brittany and I! But you don't see her slushying herself, do you?" Quinn had a good point, but Rachel wouldn't accept it. The situations were just... different.

"But you guys make up for it by cheering, and being pretty, and dating a bunch of people..." Quinn's expression clearly told Rachel her logic was flawed, but she thought it made sense. Being a Cheerio automatically changed everything.

"You know what?" she half-shouted in Rachel's face, "You should join the Cheerios!" Rachel thre her head back and laughed at the idea – although she knew Quinn was serious. "I'm not kidding! You can obviously dance, you've shown that in glee, and yeah, Coach kinda hates you, but she can't ignore talent!"

Rachel considered it halfheartedly for a minute, but she could only think of problems and reasons not to. "I'm really not the cheerleader type, Quinn."

"What are you talking about? You're spirited and energetic, you're a dancer, you'd be a perfect cheerleader!" Quinn had left out the most important part – looks. Rachel couldn't be a cheerleader – she wasn't pretty enough, she wasn't skinny enough. She could never compare. But yet there Quinn stood, clasping her hands together with her most convincing smile. "Come on. You could have any guy you want."

"Red's not really my color..." she protested weakly, and Quinn knew she'd won – of course. "Okay, okay, I'll join."

"Yay!" she squealed, grabbing Rachel for a hug. "You can come to practice today, Coach'll never deny you if I recommend you, and we're starting a new routine so you'll fit right in.

"That sounds... great." It actually sounded scary and intimidating, but she wouldn't admit that. "Quinn...why are you being so nice to me?" It had been bothering her since the moment Quinn had invited her over. Before this, she'd just been an obstacle on the way to getting Finn.

Quinn was silent for a while, picking her words carefully. "There has been nothing but animosity between us for so long, and it's all because of some stupid boy who doesn't treat either of us right. I figured it was time to end this feud, or whatever it is, if not for us, then for glee. I never hated you, Rach. I just want this to be over."

Rachel didn't know whether to smile, or cry, or just stand still and let herself explode with emotions. Eventually she forced herself to speak. "Then it's over. I don't want this, either.

They hugged just in time for the first period bell to ring and the bathroom to fill with girls fixing their makeup before class. Rachel was about to shove her way out when Rachel grabbed her shoulder and smiled. "Meet me at my locker after glee."

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

"I feel really uncomfortable, Quinn," Rachel mumbled, pulling her skirt down as far as she possibly could without showing her stomach. She felt exposed and self-conscious without her usual turtleneck and long skirt. She would have to wear this every day?

"Come on, just one practice. If you hate it, you can quit." Rachel sighed, but agreed. Quinn linked their arms and burst into the gym, dragging the other girl with her and ignoring the other cheerleaders' surprised and confused looks.

Quinn led the team through some stretches, then a quick warm-up, then launched into the new routine. Rachel was pleasantly surprised to find that it was a lot like learning choreography for glee, except faster paced, and more cheer-like, and generally a lot more difficult. She was a bit behind the other girls, and was pouring sweat by the end, but she (somehow) enjoyed herself.

"So?" Quinn asked as they all shuffled back to the locker room, "How was it?"

"Honestly? It was great."

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

"Kurt, what's wrong?" He didn't answer or even look at Rachel. He just sipped his coffee nonchalantly and pretended to people-watch. Sure, Rachel was his best friend, but he just... didn't know what to say. Or where to start. Or anything. "Kurt. Something's been bothering you all day. What is it?"

"I shouldn't tell you," he insisted, but he pursed his lips the way he always did when he was about to give in. "I'm serious, Rachel. It's not my secret to tell. The only reason I know is because apparently, I was in the suicide note."

Rachel felt a jolt of shock run through her body when what he'd said finally registered. Someone was _dead_. But – suicide note? Someone – someone-"

"Well, no. He tried, but... they found him in time. And he won't let anyone tell me what was in the damn note." Rachel was still staring at him in horror as he grumbled.

"Kurt! Who was it?" She couldn't quite read his expression as he turned to face her.

"Dave."


	5. Chapter 4

**Alright, I've only written half of this chapter so far, so I have no idea how it's gonna turn out, but in my head it's good and touching and mildly amusing so hopefully I manage to actually do all of those (lol but I probably won't). Enjoy! :)**

**P.S. - You know I'm really dedicated to this story, cause I totally just exited Tumblr because I needed to write this. THAT IS TRUE LOVE RIGHT THERE.**

**Chapter Four**

"I really don't want to do this, Quinn," Rachel worried, looking into the grape slushy she held. "I know what it's like, and I really don't think I can do that to someone else."

Quinn rolled her eyes. The newbies were always like this. "It's easy. You just go up to Karofsky and throw it in his face." Rachel froze. Quinn wanted her to slushy Dave – the guy who recently tried to off himself, the guy she understood a hell of a lot more than she should? No way that was happening.

"At least let me slushy Azimio instead." Quinn was confused, although she really couldn't care less. Santana gave Rachel a small smile. "_He's _the one who always slushied me, and I want revenge."

Rachel walked down the hallway with her head held high, Santana and Brittany following her while Quinn hung back to watch and assess. She felt everyone's eyes on her – Rachel Berry, a cheerleader? - as she tapped Azimio's shoulder, and it was a quite satisfying feeling.

He spun around with the remnants of a smile lingering on his face, but it dropped quickly when he took in the uniform she was wearing. "Rachel Berry?" The corner of his mouth curled up in what she assumed was supposed to be a seductive smirk. His expression froze when she reached behind her and Santana handed her the slushy.

He managed to squeak out the start of a protest before she flung it at him and watched, grinning, as it drenched him. "Maybe this'll teach you not to mess with people," she snarled, narrowing her eyes and smiling sarcastically, "You never know who'll come out on top." She turned around, but made one last comment over her shoulder. "You know, purple really suits you."

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

Rachel stared at the clock as Mr. Schue rambled on about something – hey, Spanish was her third language, after English and French, was she really expected to understand? - but was interrupted when Santana and Brittany simultaneously tossed notes onto her desk.

She opened Santana's first – _I'm sorry about yesterday. That wasn't cool. _She looked over to see an apologetic half-smile, half-grimace on her face. She quickly wrote a reply – _Don't worry about it. Not that I know how it feels, I don't blame you. - _and opened Britt's.

_U were awsum 2day! Azimios face was hilarious! _It was sweet, but Rachel couldn't think about that. She couldn't think about anything, she couldn't even breathe.

She recognized the handwriting.

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

"Brittany, before you go to lunch, could we talk?" She nodded happily and Rachel brought her into the bathroom. "Okay, look. I know who my admirer is."

"Oh my God. Did I tell you? I'm sorry, I'm so bad at keeping secrets." Her face stayed neutral, not a hint of nerves or excitement. Rachel, on the other hand, was struggling to hold herself together. This, she had not expected. She knew Brittany was at least bi-curious – heck, everyone knew about Santana and Brittany's 'sleepovers'. But she'd spent so much energy analyzing the possibility of it being Santana that Brittany hadn't even crossed her mind.

"No, no, Britt, you didn't tell me. I, uh, well, when you gave me the note in class, I sort of realized that your handwriting matched my secret admirer's." She nodded and smiled with understanding.

"That's because I wrote them." She wrote them. Of course she wrote them, Rachel knew that, but hearing it confirmed, in such a nonchalant, matter-of-fact way, made her quiver. She didn't know what to say. Or do. Or think.

When the bell rang and Brittany left with nothing but a smile, she couldn't decide if it was bad or good. She chose to make the best of it, locking herself in a stall and using the time to think.

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

Rachel had been trying to get Brittany alone all day, but the odds just weren't in her favor. She was either talking with Santana, or trailing behind Quinn. Rachel needed answers, she needed them now -

And all of those thoughts were cut short when she walked into the auditorium, where they'd been ordered to go, and saw Dave standing on the stage. She thought Brittany liking her was weird? This surpassed that, by far.

Dave shifted his weight uncomfortably and glued his eyes to his feet. He couldn't see it, but he could feel the glares and confused glances the club was giving him. When he heard Mr. Schuester shush them and give him his cue, he mustered up all the courage he could and began to sing, as loudly as he dared.

_Don't give up_

_It takes a while_

_I have seen this look before_

His voice was shivering a little. He knew it would give him away, everyone would know he was scared to death. Maybe if he looked up, he'd -

_And it's alright_

_You're not alone_

_If you don't love this anymore_

He couldn't do it. He couldn't even let his gaze flicker up for a second, he already knew what he'd find. Looks of disgust, hatred, horror...

_I hear that you've slipped again_

_I'm here cause I know you'll need a friend_

He heard someone whisper. "Wow."

As he started the chorus, he slowly raised his head. He could barely see their faces through the stage lights, and he liked it that way.

_And you know that accidents can happen_

_And it's okay, we all fall off the wagon sometimes_

_It's not your whole life, it's only one day_

_You haven't thrown everything away_

He sang a little louder, just a little, as he started the next verse, and found a spot on the wall to stare at. It seemed so far away, and somehow, he lost himself in the music. Maybe these geeks were right, maybe singing _was _therapeutic.

_Take some time and learn to breathe_

_And remember what it means_

He dared to focus his eyes, to let them land on the expressions of the glee club. Some of them were shocked. Some of them were confused.

_To feel alive and to believe_

_Something more than what you see_

Some of them were even smiling.

_I know there's a price for this_

_But some things in life you must resist_

He sang out, to them. He wanted them to know that this was an apology. That he was sick of being an asshole, and that the price of joining glee was worth it if it fixed things. Maybe he'd even enjoy himself in the process.

_And you know that accidents can happen_

_And it's okay, we all fall off the wagon sometimes_

_It's not your whole life, it's only one day_

_You haven't thrown everything away_

His eyes fell on Kurt. His expression was guarded, of course, but Dave swore he could see the hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

_I hear that you've slipped again_

_I'm here cause I know you'll need a friend_

_And you know that accidents can happen _

_And it's okay, we all fall off the wagon sometimes_

_It's not your whole life, it's only one day_

_You haven't thrown everything away_

He looked back to the floor for the last two lines, his confidence deflating with the music.

_So don't give up_

_It takes a while_

When the music came to a stop, there was a shocked, tense silence. Mr. Schuester finally broke it, his claps piercing the air, but the others didn't respond.

After what seemed like ages, Santana started to clap, followed enthusiastically by Brittany. And a second later, to his surprised, Kurt joined them, his smile starting to show just a tiny bit.

The others started too, some of them halfheartedly – Puck was probably still bitter from what he'd done to Kurt, and Finn was just confused, not that that was a big surprise.

"Welcome to Glee Club!" Mr. Schuester exclaimed when the clapping started to die down, and hejust stood there, grinning like an idiot.

They started to get up and shuffle out, and it took him a minute to register that they were going to the choir room. He ran down the steps to catch up with them, but he stayed in the back. They might have liked his performance, but that didn't mean they liked _him_.

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

"Puck? Are you okay?" Rachel asked timidly – she couldn't help but notice that he had stayed behind, not even moving from his seat. He nodded, but refused to look at her. "What's wrong?"

She thought she heard a mumbled 'Quinn', but that could've been her imagination. She sank slowly into the seat next to him and waited. "It's Quinn. She saw Beth last night. Without me."

Rachel squirmed in her seat, unsure of what to do. She'd never been in his situation before, obviously. "That must suck. But you have to see it from her point of view, too – she doesn't want Beth to grow up thinking her dad didn't want to stay with her."

She cursed herself as the pain in his eyes just deepened. "Didn't want to stay with her? It's her fucking _mother _who didn't want to stay with _me_!"

She had an idea. Probably a stupid one, but it would calm him down. Maybe even make him happy. When he flung up from his seat, his chair crashing to the floor, she decided to tell him. "Puck. Shelby's my mom."

"Yeah, so?" She rolled her eyes and stared at him until it started to sink in. "Wait. Are you saying-"

"I could take you to see Beth. Hell, you could probably go by yourself, I'm sure she wouldn't care." He was absolutely emotionless for a split second, before he pulled her out of her chair and hugged her until she could hardly breathe.

He was going to see his daughter.

"And Puck? I think Quinn did want to stay with you. I think she was confused. And I think she still is." His smile dropped completely, and the rough edges showed up in his eyes again.

"She's not confused. She knows exactly what she wants, and it's not. It's fucking Finn. Just like you." She was left speechless, but he obviously had no intention of stopping for her to talk, anyway. "Girls just use me for sex – or I guess, in your case, making out – and then run to Finn. Is there something wrong with me? Do I just _repel _girls?"

"Puck, you know that's not true. I know it might seem like I used you, but if I didn't have feelings for you, I never would have done that! We broke up because it didn't work out, not because of Finn! And you and Quinn had a baby, for God's sake, how often do those relationships work, especially if you don't keep the baby?" He was still seething, but he was cooling off now. She was right.

He tried to hold it back. He tried to calm himself. But it was useless – the tears started to fall, streaming until he couldn't see, until he couldn't think, until he was so consumed with the embarrassment, and the pain. He couldn't believe he was letting Rachel see him like this. But she just wrapped her arms around him, whispering something soothing that he didn't quite pay attention to.

**What do you guys think? Review please? :D**


	6. Chapter 5

**Alright... I suck. So much. I don't know how I managed to let 12 days go by without updating, I've just had schoolwork and writer's block on top of that, so... I'm updating now! I'll try to be more consistent. As for the quality of this chapter... eh. Some parts I like, others I don't.**

**Brittany's incredibly OOC in this chapter. Like, _incredibly_. She's so hard to write so I just gave up cause I want to get this chapter posted before I turn 50. So seriously, you can skip that part if you want, cause it's really really really bad. Anyway, without further ado...**

**Chapter Five**

Kurt's locker was right next to the auditorium, but after glee, it was usually dead silent, aside from maybe Mr. Schue shuffling around outside. So when soft piano music started drifting from the room, he was immediately drawn to it. He had no idea who it was – he knew Rachel and Puck could both play some, maybe Tina. The last person he expected to be at the piano, eyes almost closed and swaying with the music, was Dave Karofsky. And he was _good_.

He stood near the stage, watching, until the music cut off abruptly and Dave leaped from his chair. "The fuck are you doing in here?" He seemed more startled than malicious, but Kurt flinched back instinctively, which didn't go unnoticed. "Uh, sorry."

"It's...it's okay?" Kurt pretty much squeaked. He didn't want to say the wrong thing. Dave was not the type to apologize. Dave was the type to bully people, then kiss people, then assume his sexuality made everything okay. So this apology thing was different for both of them. "You're very good, you know."

Dave grunted, not sure whether to thank him or not. He didn't even think he knew how to have a normal conversation with Kurt. The boy made him feel too many fucking emotions that had to come out one way or another, and that was typically by either hurting him or kissing him. "I've been playing since I was a kid."

"It shows." An uncomfortable silence fell over them, one Kurt felt obliged to break. "I'm glad you joined glee club." He realized immediately that it was true. Dave realized it, too, but he couldn't show any emotion. He just raised one eyebrow, almost imperceptibly. "Glee helped me accept my sexuality. I hope it can for you, too."

"I already have accepted my sexuality. That doesn't mean everyone else will!" His voice trembled and cracked. "The things we did to you... I don't want it to happen to me. And please – don't go off about how I deserve it, cause I know. I know."

"You don't deserve it," Kurt whispered. He knew Dave was afraid, and he understood. Fear twisted people. It played with their emotions, and made them say and do things they didn't mean. With the scrapes and bruises Dave had given him – not to mention all of the designer clothes he'd ruined – he probably shouldn't be forgiven. But he couldn't look him in the eyes and say he truly blamed him. "And they won't do that to you. You're not exactly the frail, 140-pound stereotypical gay guy that I am."

"I... I'm scared, okay? I don't care what they do to me. I'm just _scared_." He swallowed and took a shaky breath. He couldn't cry. Not in front of Kurt. He had always thought he was strong before he met Kurt. He'd never realized that strength was more than how much force you put behind throwing someone in a dumpster. Kurt was fearless. And Dave hated him for it.

"I know it's scary, Dave," he said in a hushed tone, looking directly at Dave, who could barely meet his eyes. "You don't have to make any decisions now. But you'll have to come out sometime." Dave didn't reply, he just hung his head. "I want to ask you something."

"What?" he muttered, still holding back tears and staring at his feet. Kurt waited patiently and tapped his foot until the other boy finally glanced up expectantly.

"Why would you try to kill yourself?" The color slowly drained from Dave's face as he stuttered. He hadn't told anyone, only his family knew, so how could Kurt know? And more importantly, how much did he know? "And why was I in the suicide note?"

"I... h-how do you know about that?" Now that the shock was (almost) over, he felt a blush creeping onto his cheeks. He knew what he'd done was a sign of weakness, he knew Kurt probably thought he was a coward.

Dave turned away, his heart racing, and tried to hide the panic that was clearly showing in his expression. But Kurt wrapped his fingers around Dave's arm and tugged until they were facing each other again. "Your parents told me. But that doesn't answer my question."

"I was just... so confused, and angry, and I felt like everything was crashing down around me." He didn't look down this time. He made eye contact and held it, even as the first of many tears slipped onto his face.

"So you tried to commit suicide?" Dave nodded, ashamed. "What about all the people you would've left behind?" Kurt was barely speaking above a whisper. He didn't understand how someone could throw away something as wonderful as life.

"What people?" He growled, looking away from Kurt and trying to keep his anger under control. "Everyone hates me. No one would've cared."

"Your family would've. The entire glee club would've. Heck, you'd have those neanderthals on the football team lying in a fetal position and sucking their thumbs with misery." Kurt paused, and as he spoke again, his tone lowered and his gaze was steadily trained on Dave. "I would've cared."

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

"Brittany! Can we talk for a minute?" She grinned and nodded, and Rachel pulled her aside to her locker. "Look, I think we need to talk about your... feelings for me."

"Feelings for you?" She drew her eyebrows together, not understanding. Then again, she usually didn't understand the things that came out of Rachel's mouth, when she listened, at least. "Oh my God, do you not want to be friends with me? I'm sorry."

"No, no, I do want to be friends with you! I just don't see you as... _more _than a friend." Brittany nearly snorted. People thought _she _was stupid. Which was, in a way, true, but she thought she'd been more than obvious that it wasn't _her _who liked Rachel. She yawned and leaned against a locker. She'd been up all night thinking about a girl (who was _not _Rachel) and wasn't in the mood for this.

"Rachel, I don't like you." It came out harsher than expected, and Rachel gave Brittany her signature puppy dog eyes. Brittany never snapped. "I'm sorry, that's not what I meant. I don't _like _like you. Why would you think that?"

"You said you wrote the notes..." In her defense, Brittany h_ad_ said that, and maybe she'd been intentionally cryptic.

"I did. But that doesn't mean they're from me." She winked and twirled around, leaving a gaping Rachel behind as she walked away.

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

Santana leaned back onto Rachel's much too flowery pillows and smirked. "Ya know, with all the pining after you Finn and Puck do, I'm surprised you're still a virgin." Rachel couldn't decide which was more confusing – that Santana had suddenly decided to bring up her virginity, or that either of them would want to have sex with her.

"W-why would they – I dated Noah for a week! And Finn, well, Finn's kind of... awkward, no offense to him." Rachel's face was burning bright red, and she tilted her head down, trying to hide it with her hair.

"You got that right," Santana, shuddering at the memories of her, uh, _relationship _with Finn. "But you're a Cheerio now, Rach. You could have _any _guy you want." Rachel's thoughts automatically went to Noah. She didn't feel that way about him, not really – did she? - but they had bonded the night before after glee.

"That doesn't mean I have to have _sex, _does it?" She should've been horrified at the thought, but she was oddly intrigued. Of course, she knew it was normal – her dads had told her all about that, it was just hormones – but as much as she craved that affection, it was such a big step.

"It's just sex. You're a teenage girl, and it feels good." Rachel sighed. She'd never judge her friend for it, but Santana did have a somewhat distorted view of sex. "Look, just think about it. You don't have to throw it around like it means nothing the way I do. I was just trying to make, you know, girl talk or whatever."

Rachel snorted and rolled her eyes, but pulled out her phone as discreetly as possible. She found Noah in her contacts and sent him a text.

_Hey, wanna come over tonight? My dads aren't home. ;) xx_

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

Eyebrows raised and jaws dropped as Rachel strutted down the hallway, arm linked with none other than Noah Puckerman. Kurt nearly spilled his coffee on his new Marc Jacobs shirt. Mercedes did a double take and made a mental note to talk some sense into the girl in Spanish. And Jacob Ben Israel – well, I'm sure you can figure out his reaction on your own.

But it was Santana's reaction that stood out among the others. Her expression flickered from a pulsing hatred to depression to jealousy before she finally plastered a smile on her face as they passed her on their way to the choir room.

When they walked into the room, before the others got there, before they even sat down, Puck announced to Mr. Schue that he'd be singing a song. He didn't wait for a response, just stood smugly at the front of the room as the other members shuffled.

He picked up his guitar and stared directly at Rachel, who mustered up the most flirtatious smile she could, and began to sing.

_The dawn is breaking_

_A light shining through_

_You're barely waking_

_And I'm tangled up in you_

_I'm open, you're closed_

_Where I follow, you'll go_

_I worry I won't see your face_

_Light up again_

_Even the best fall down sometimes_

_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme_

_Out of the doubt that fills my mind_

_I somehow find you and I_

_Collide_

_I'm quiet, you know_

_You make a first impression_

_I found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind_

_Even the best fall down sometimes_

_Even the stars refuse to shine_

_Out of the back you fall in time_

_I somehow find you and I_

_Collide_

_Don't stop here_

_I lost my place _

_I'm close behind_

_Even the best fall down sometimes_

_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme_

_Out of the doubt that fills your mind_

_You finally find you and I_

_Collide_

As the glee club clapped, some enthusiastically, some not so much, Rachel got up to place a lingering kiss on Noah's lips. As they broke apart, she noticed Finn slightly behind him, gaping in horror, but she ignored it. It didn't matter anymore. He didn't matter.

Behind them, Santana cleared her throat viciously and smiled sweetly when they glared at her. "Now, as shocking as this all is, I have something even more shocking to tell you guys. I'm a lesbian." The room was completely silent, except for maybe a cricket or two in the background. She got up and began to walk to the front. "Okay, maybe that's no shocking. But there's a reason I'm telling you this. I..." She stopped in front of the girl and stared down at her, a mix of emotions boiling in her eyes. "I love you, Brittany."

**I'm extremely iffy about this chapter. It's definitely not the best, but at least I finally wrote it! Review please, I'll bake you virtual brownies! :)**


	7. Chapter 6

**I AM SUCH A TERRIBLE PERSON. I can't believe it's been more than two weeks since I've updated, I suck. I have time, but it's usually put into a. homework, b. reading, or c. checking tumblr. So I'm forcing myself to write this and put it up. Hope it's okay (lulz it won't be) :) Also the first scene is two sentences long kbye.**

**Chapter Six:**

"I... I love you too," Brittany chimed, grinning, "You know that." Santana, ignoring the whistles and remarks, grabbed her wrist to pull her up and kiss her.

–**!-_Two days later_-!-**

"Two days!" Rachel shrieked and inched closer to her now ex-boyfriend. "We have been dating for _two days_, and you've already cheated on me? Were you born with a brain defect, or too much testosterone, or something?" Puck shuffled from foot to foot guiltily and opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

Santana had been content to just watch and smirk until this point, but took the silence as her chance to join in. "Wow, Berry, you just can't keep a guy, can you?" Hearing this, Rachel turned on her, giving Puck the chance to try and slink away (not that he succeeded).

"Oh, really? Well I'm sure you'd be interested in what girl he had sex with last night." The color drained from Santana's face, but she held her ground. She had to be joking. Or twisting what happened. Or something. There was no way her Brittany had sex with Puck. "Brittany's not exactly faithful, either. Although, I guess you'd know that, wouldn't you? Or you could always ask Artie."

"Okay, Rach, calm down!" Quinn put a firm hand on her shoulder and shot her a bewildered look. "Seriously. One more word and San's gonna go all Lima Heights on you, and we both know that's not pretty." Reluctantly, Rachel let her friend lead her into the bathroom, but not before sending a glare Puck's way. "Now, wanna tell me what happened?"

"Noah cheated on me," Rachel mumbled, hiding her damp eyes with her hair. "He had sex with Brittany." Quinn felt fury trying to envelope her – how the hell could he do that to her? - but kept her cool.

"I told you not to date him, Rachel. That asshole." It was clear to her that anger wasn't going to get her anywhere – the tears were starting to spill from the girl's eyes. "Oh, Rach, don't cry – he's not worth it. You deserve better than him."

"I-I guess you're right. It was just... it was silly of me to think he wanted me for anything other than sex. Maybe I should've just given him what he wanted. I already did once, after all." She laughed bitterly at the shocked and somewhat appalled expression Quinn gave her. "Oh, you didn't hear? I had sex with Noah Puckerman. And he told me he loved me. He lied."

"Rachel..." She threw her arms around her friend, not sure what to say to make it better. "He didn't make you do anything you didn't want to, right? He didn't pressure you into it?"

"Of course not. Surprisingly, he's quite the gentleman. But I suppose after I had sex with him once, he expected me to do it again." Rachel shrugged in an attempt at lightheartedness, but Quinn wasn't buying it.

"If he really deserved to be your boyfriend, he would go the rest of his life without sex, if that was what you wanted. Forget about him, all right?" Rachel nodded, but had to choke back a sob as she wiped furiously at her eyes.

"Thank you, Quinn. But I, uh, I have to go apologize to someone."

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

"Brittany, I can't believe you cheated on me." Brittany couldn't quite put her finger on the emotions in Santana's voice. It was shaking, only slightly, and it was ice cold.

"I don't understand. You said it was okay to have sex with a guy when you're dating a girl." Santana wanted to shrivel up and die right there. Because this was her fault.

"No, Britt, I said it was okay to have sex with a girl when you're dating a guy. And I was lying. It's not okay. It's cheating." She was torn. Yes, she had ultimately brought this upon herself, but she was hurt that Brittany had even wanted to do anything with someone else."

"Wait... does that mean I was cheating on Artie? With you?" Santana only nodded, trying to swallow her guilt and look the girl she loved in the eye. "Why would you let me do that?"

"Because it was the only way I could have you." Both girls jumped and twirled as a loud crash echoed through the choir room, only to find none other than Rachel cowering away from them guiltily.

"I-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt anything, I'll just go..." Santana gave Brittany one last longing glance before stopping Rachel.

"No. We're done here anyway." She saw Brittany leave the room out of the corner of her eye, but was afraid to follow. The choir room was, quite honestly, the only place she felt safe. "Why are you here, Berry?"

"I wanted to apologize for earlier. What I said was completely out of line, I know what you did with Britt was solely out of love for her and not a desire to hurt Artie. I shouldn't have brought it up, I was just angry." Rachel gave her the best pleading look she could muster in her chocolate eyes – which, Santana just noticed, were pretty damn beautiful.

"It's fine. It gave me a chance to... sort out some stuff, say some things that needed to be said." Santana sighed almost inaudibly, and a tense silence fell between the two. "So... are you staying with Puck?"

Rachel snorted and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, like that would happen. He doesn't deserve me. Are you... staying with Brittany?" She considered taking the question back when she saw the confusion and hurt cross Santana's face, but the Latina started talking before she had a chance.

"I don't know. I love her, but... I mean, I'm still learning to accept that I'm a lesbian, and she's still learning how relationships work. I just don't think we're good for each other right now." Santana sniffed and blinked, but she did not cry. Santana Lopez _did not cry_.

"Santana, it's okay. You can cry if you want to." She whipped her head toward Rachel, expecting a growl to come out, but hearing a sob instead. And as hard as she tried to hold it in, she found herself weeping into Berry's shoulder.

–**!-!-!-!-!-**

"Call your parents and tell them you're spending the night," Quinn demanded, "You two are in desperate need of a girls' night." Santana and Rachel shared a glance and shrugged, pulling out their phones.

When they were done, Quinn put an arm around each of them and led them to the couch. "I think I know exactly what you two need." She got matching blank, slightly miserable looks from them. "Sing! We are in glee club, after all."

"I have the perfect song," Santana said, smirking. They both turned to look at her as she began to sing.

_Your lipstick, his collar, don't bother angel_

_I know exactly what goes on_

Rachel and Quinn both grinned, recognizing the song. Rachel joined in and harmonized perfectly with Santana, and even Quinn jumped in at parts.

_When everything you'll get is  
>Everything that you've wanted, princess<br>Well which would you prefer  
>My finger on the trigger, or<br>Me face down, down across your floor  
>Me face down, down across your floor<br>Me face down, down across your floor  
>Well just so long as this thing's loaded<em>

_And will you tell all your friends  
>you've got your gun to my head<br>This all was only wishful thinking  
>this all was only wishful thinking<br>And will you tell all your friends  
>you've got your gun to my head<br>This all was only wishful thinking  
>this all was only wishful thinking<br>Let's go..._

_Don't bother trying to explain, angel  
>I know exactly what goes on when you're on and<br>How about I'm outside of your window  
>How about I'm outside of your window<br>Watching him keep the details covered  
>You're such a sucker for a sweet talker, yeah<em>

_And will you tell all your friends  
>you've got your gun to my head<br>This all was only wishful thinking  
>this all was only wishful thinking<em>

_And will you tell all your friends  
>you've got your gun to my head<br>This all was only wishful thinking  
>this all was only wishful thinking<em>

_Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens  
>A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins<br>I will never ask if you don't ever tell me  
>I know you well enough to know you never loved me<em>

_Why can't I feel anything  
>from anyone other than you?<br>Why can't I feel anything  
>from anyone other than you?<em>

_And all of this was all your fault  
>And all of this<em>

_I stay wrecked and jealous for this,  
>For this simple reason<br>I just need to keep you in mind  
>As something larger than life<br>I stay wrecked and jealous for this,  
>For this simple reason<br>I just need to keep you in mind  
>As something larger than life<br>_

When they finished, they were all breathless from the laughter that mingled with their singing. Because they were, in a way, happy. Rachel knew there was more to life than boys, and Santana knew there was more to life than love.

**I'm so disappointed with this chapterrr. I don't even know what I'm doing asifhdifugakyfusdhcbdjfg. Anyway reviews make me happy and happiness makes me update! -winkwinknudgenudge- ;)**

**The song in this chapter was Cute Without the E by Taking Back Sunday.**


	8. Chapter 7

**GUISE REMEMBER THIS STORY? OMG. I. AM. HORRIBLE. I JUST - NON POSSUM VERBA. I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET THIS HAPPEN. But guess what? I'm updating! So for now, can we pretend that I didn't go months without updating and that the previous six chapters weren't horrible and unrealistic? Also, here are a couple things I would like to make clear - **

** 1. This takes place forever ago.**

** 2. Blaine does not exist.**

**Anyway, I know there's no possible way I could ever make up for the months and months of waiting, and you probably all forgot this and are gonna be like "damn, what's this story" when you get the email, so I'll just... here.**

**Chapter Seven:**

Puck wandered aimlessly in the backyard of the Hudson-Hummel residence, taking a break from devouring the entire kitchen with Finn. He'd come in the hopes that a night of video games and not talking about his feelings would clear his head. He'd been wrong. Now he was down to his last resort, taking a walk. It sounded cliche, but the fresh air and Kurt's soft singing drifting from somewhere nearby were surprisingly soothing.

He was startled when the voice cut off abruptly, and even more so when he investigated and found Kurt only a few feet away from him. "Noah?" Kurt's voice broke the unsettling silence that had set in, his lips curling up in gentle amusement at the other boy's surprise. "What are you doing in my backyard?"

"Walking. Is there a problem?" Puck arched an eyebrow and matched Kurt's smirk. "No offense to Finn, but he's not the best company when you're trying to get over a breakup." Upon realizing that he was totally making himself look like a loser, he shot a guarded glance at Kurt and added, "Not that I'm upset about it or anything."

Kurt took a step closer to Puck and chuckled, though he was secretly kind of concerned. It wasn't exactly a common occurrence for him to share his feelings, even if he denied them seconds later. "You shouldn't have cheated on her, Noah. But it's okay to be upset."

Puck sighed loudly and collapsed into a swing that hung from the rusty set Burt had put up when Kurt was little and never taken down. It creaked as he settled into it, but held up as he put all his weight on it and buried his head in his hands. "I just - I know it's my fault. But I feel like every time we get a chance to make it work, something comes along to screw it up, you know?" He peeked at Kurt out of the corner of his eye to find him staring and nodding thoughtfully. "You have to look at me like that? I know I fucked up, okay?"

The eye-roll that followed this outburst was so pretentious that Puck almost ditched Kurt to go back inside. "Oh, don't be silly, Noah," Kurt said as he cautiously placed himself on the other swing, "You just made a mistake. You have two choices now - sulk about it, or try to win her back. And I think you know which one she deserves." Puck didn't have an adequate response, and it didn't really matter, because Kurt certainly didn't wait for one before sauntering back towards the house.

This left behind an awestruck Puck, confused as to how he was supposed to get Rachel back. An apology didn't feel right. It was too expected and too impersonal, because let's face it, Puck wasn't the most heartwarming guy. He needed to blow her away - he just didn't know how.

* * *

><p>"I don't understand why I'm so sad about this..." Rachel muttered, accepting the tissue that a teary Santana handed to her and blowing her nose. "I shouldn't be crying over him, we were only dating for two days and-and he was an asshole anyway, but-"<p>

"But being cheated on fucking sucks!" Santana exclaimed, breaking into another sob. The two continued on like this, filling the room with angst and completing each other's sentences because after that day, they were weirdly connected. But after several minutes, Quinn took it upon herself to break up the pity party.

A soft sigh left her mouth and she climbed onto the bed with the other girls. "Listen to yourselves, guys - this is pathetic! You can do better, and you deserve better. So stop crying, get your revenge, and find someone who's gonna treat you right. Okay?" She looked expectantly between the two, but neither responded, so she nudged each of them, rather hard, evoking a nod from both. "Good."

Santana and Rachel stared at each other, still moping silently, Slowly and timidly, a smirk began to grow across Santana's face. "Revenge, I like it. I say we go all Carrie Underwood on Puck's ass. That boy needs to be taught a lesson."

* * *

><p>"I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I don't even like Brittany. And it's not like I haven't had sex with her before. What - I just don't know, man." He collapsed onto Kurt's bed, then muttered so quietly Kurt almost missed it. "It's like, the universe is trying to tell me I don't deserve her.<p>

At some point during the night, Finn and Puck had found themselves in Kurt's room, having gotten bored of video games. And Kurt, being the caring and intrusive person that he was, felt it necessary to instantly bring up Rachel. Naturally, the second they got into that, Finn disappeared into the kitchen once again, but Puck had stayed to hopefully get something less cryptic than Kurt had given him before - and he did. "We accept the love we think we deserve, Noah. If you don't believe you deserve Rachel, you're going to keep hurting her and yourself."

Maybe he was right. Maybe he wasn't. Puck didn't really think it mattered - Rachel would never give him another chance, anyway, and she would be right. "I don't deserve her, Kurt. And if thinking that means I'm gonna hurt her, I'm not even gonna try anymore." Kurt furrowed his eyebrows, his worry for Puck slowly growing. To a certain extent, they all knew the way Puck felt about himself, but witnessing the self-loathing for himself was heart-breaking.

The smaller boy sat gingerly on the edge of the bed with a sigh, simultaneously trying not to disturb Puck and to get him to realize how ridiculous he was being. "Give yourself some credit," Kurt murmured. "You have to love yourself before you can truly love anyone else." Both boys were well aware that Kurt's advice was full of horrible cliches, but it made Puck feel better in a way. Because no matter how cliche it was, he was right. Maybe Puck had bigger things to deal with.

* * *

><p>"No one's here. Perfect." Santana smirked, glanced both ways down the road, then crouched down next to Puck's truck, motioning for Rachel and Quinn to join her. A devilish grin spread across her face as she handed them each a kitchen knife. "One tire each, and we leave the last untouched so his insurance won't pay for it." They went about their business, successfully slashing three of his tires, and then Santana prepared for the finishing touch, holding up a sparkling new key. "Rachel, I think you should do the honors."<p>

She was timid, of course she was - this certainly wasn't a 'Rachel' thing to do. But being cheated on and becoming a Cheerio had transformed her into a much more bitter person over just a few days, so she happily stepped forward, slowly and meticulously carved into the paint, and then stepped back to reveal her work.

FUCK YOU.

"Well, it certainly serves its purpose," Santana chimed in, snickering. "And now, we get rid of the evidence." She strode confidently over to a nearby dumpster, slipped her gloves off, and shoved them deep inside. Quinn and Rachel were quick to mimic her. "Puck is so gonna know it was us. But innocent until proven guilty, right?"

* * *

><p>The look on Puck's face when he caught Rachel's eye the next morning was priceless - a mixture of remorse and suppressed rage and so many other emotions that she couldn't quite put her finger on. It was satisfying, to say the least. But when he reached her and began to speak, his voice was eerily calm. "Look, Rachel. I know I deserved it. I know you hate me. Just - just come to the choir room so I can apologize."<p>

Rachel shot him a skeptical look and tried to appear as haughty as she could, but deep down she honestly wanted to know what he would sing - or, at least, she assumed he was going to sing. Puck wasn't exactly the type to give a heartfelt apology, so it made sense for him to beat around the bush instead of giving a straight 'I'm sorry'. So she followed him into the choir room, where the entire glee club was already gathered.

She tentatively sat on the edge of an empty chair next to Quinn, then looked at him expectantly, waiting for Puck to speak, but he didn't. He picked up his guitar and launched right into the song.

_Tear those pictures off the wall _

_I don't think I will need them all again _

_I think the problem here is there's nothing wrong _

_I guess that I can coast along for now _

_Little bit, little more, there's something missing _

_I'm missing the point I did before _

_I'm sorry that I'm always the one to let you down again _

_And I feel so ashamed _

_It should have been easy _

_I feel so low_

_And I want you to know _

_That I won't let go again _

_I feel so low_

_You were the first to knock me down _

_In a way I guess we're even now _

_And I know I only used that first to justify _

_But maybe that's not just a lie _

_Who knows _

_Little bit, little more, there's something missing _

_I'm missing the point I did before _

_I'm sorry that I'm always the one to make you feel that burn _

_And I feel so ashamed _

_This used to be easy _

_I feel so low _

_But I want you to know _

_That I won't let go again _

_I feel so low_

_I feel so tired, tired _

_You get so tired, tired _

_You get so tired, tired _

_Tired, tired _

_And I feel so ashamed _

_It should have been easy _

_I feel so low_

_And I want you to know _

_That I won't let go again _

_I feel so low_

_And I feel so ashamed _

_This used to be easy _

_I feel so low_

_But I want you to know _

_That I won't let go again _

_I feel so low_

Puck finished the last chord, and then the room was dead silent. All eyes were on Rachel, expecting a response, but she couldn't. She couldn't. She got up and ran, but barely made it out the door before collapsing against the lockers, shuddering in her attempt to hold back her tears. Seconds later, a worried Quinn and an exasperated Puck burst out of the room. A string of "are you okay"s and "what the hell"s flew from their mouths, but Rachel was barely paying attention.

"Rach, look at me." She glanced up, just enough to see that Puck had ushered Quinn back inside to leave the two of them alone. "I know that didn't even come close to making up for what I did, alright? But you gotta listen to me. I'm your secret admirer, Rachel. It's me."

And then it escalated from Rachel having a small mental breakdown to the world literally crumbling to pieces all around her. Tears poured down her face and it took all of her strength not to sob as Puck wrapped his arms around her. "I-I'm sorry, Noah," she cried into his shoulder, "I just took everything too far and I feel like I've completely lost myself this week and I don't know why everything's going so horribly but I - I -"

He silenced her with a kiss, and somehow, even after everything they'd done to each other, it felt right.

**THE END.**

**Loljk. Hope you liked it! I won't make any promises cause I might just break them, but I'm planning on having the next chapter up in a few days!**


End file.
